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What betraying our needs in a relationship looks like

Some of us are brought up with the conditioning that when we want to make any relationship work out, we need to prioritise others and not ourselves. We often forget that in a relationship, when unmet needs, wants and expectations start to accumulate, it can lead to frustration and resentment. “Many of us internalise the idea that making a relationship work = betraying ourselves. That to give in relationships is to give ourselves up. That to show up in relationships means to show up less for ourselves.⁠ We find ourselves tangled in this web of compromise, so much so that it isn’t serving the relationship and creating one-sided dynamics,” wrote Therapist Divya Robin.

What betraying our needs in a relationship looks like(Unsplash)

Here are a few signs that we are betraying our needs in a relationship:

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Excessive people-pleasing: We believe that in order to make the relationship work out, we should constantly keep pleasing others. Often at the cost of our own peace of mind and needs, we keep pleasing them and prioritising them.

Ignoring boundaries: Boundaries make a relationship healthy. Knowing what is safe and healthy for us and what is not helps us to set boundaries. Every kind of relationship needs to have boundaries. When we end up ignoring our boundaries to make a relationship work out, it is a major red flag.

Falling into old patterns: We have a difficult time accepting any kind of change. Hence, we keep falling back to old patterns, habits and people, even when they are unhealthy for us. While looking for comfort, we keep going back to the toxic zones.

Overly apologising: We constantly keep apologosing even when we are not at fault. We do this to ensure that people have a positive perspective about us and are not angry with us. This also happens from immense fear of abandonment.

Hyper-focused on others: Hypervigilance to understand what people are thinking and feeling is a way of betraying our own needs. We think if we can read the minds of others, we can make them feel good about us.

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